This can't be!! There is NO WAY that any of this is true. She MUST be high on drugs. SOMETHING! It just doesn't make any sense to me! This is my family!! Have I really been abandoned? Why in the world would my name be changed...Why wouldn't anyone tell me until my so called sister's life was shredded into pieces!? I have to find out. I have to know what really's going on. If this is true, what else is a lie!? I've attempted to go back to church but have they lied to me to?? I've been destroyed, battered and molded into everything but who I really am. Why am I not accepted as who I was really born to be!??? I've been changed physically by society, spiritually by religion, and now mentally by my own family!!
A long time ago I wrote something to God when I hit rock bottom.
"I remembered when You told me you loved me as I laid there on the floor desperate and hungry. You said that you were my provider. Did you provide the floor I landed on when I passed out suddenly? I gave my life, time, and fingers to the work of ministry that derailed me from my youth. I took up cigarettes from the built up stress from debt and broken "christian" marriages. Did you provide that too? Everything is written out by you and yet I have free will. Was the smoke in my lungs part of your blueprint plan to say that I'm the sinner? You love me like your child but somehow you can withstand the sight of your children burning because they didn't give their lives to you. If the church is your bride then did she re-define what love really means in response to a fear of careless living lives?
These truth defining pages were written from the depths of my heart, yet were titled satanic by the bride of Christ. The double edge sword says you want my heart but the bride covered my ugly like plastic surgery. So I prayed, praised, and paved the way for others to live the same way when I chose to say "Lord, Have your way!"
Only to find out in the end...she prostituted her body with fake amens for just ten percent of my check.
Angry? Yes. Confused? Perhaps. But this is what it means to be the man behind the mask. Hated? I was. Kicked out? I have been. Especially when she took a peek at the sight of church-created dreams. The bride of Christ has been deflowered by the Sin of man with an aroma of deceit and greedy priests. And it left a disease inside of me that reaks a hatred towards those I call "Mask-Makers".
You already know who I really am. But it's time the Mask-Makers see who I really was. Take a look inside of me. Weep along with agony and breathe a scent of repentence as I finish this last sentence. If those that kill can make sense of all of this, then this is what it must mean to be righteous.
Honest."
So I looked up to my sister with glossy eyes and whispered, "Fuck you."
