This can't be!! There is NO WAY that any of this is true. She MUST be high on drugs. SOMETHING! It just doesn't make any sense to me! This is my family!! Have I really been abandoned? Why in the world would my name be changed...Why wouldn't anyone tell me until my so called sister's life was shredded into pieces!? I have to find out. I have to know what really's going on. If this is true, what else is a lie!? I've attempted to go back to church but have they lied to me to?? I've been destroyed, battered and molded into everything but who I really am. Why am I not accepted as who I was really born to be!??? I've been changed physically by society, spiritually by religion, and now mentally by my own family!!
A long time ago I wrote something to God when I hit rock bottom.
"I remembered when You told me you loved me as I laid there on the floor desperate and hungry. You said that you were my provider. Did you provide the floor I landed on when I passed out suddenly? I gave my life, time, and fingers to the work of ministry that derailed me from my youth. I took up cigarettes from the built up stress from debt and broken "christian" marriages. Did you provide that too? Everything is written out by you and yet I have free will. Was the smoke in my lungs part of your blueprint plan to say that I'm the sinner? You love me like your child but somehow you can withstand the sight of your children burning because they didn't give their lives to you. If the church is your bride then did she re-define what love really means in response to a fear of careless living lives?
These truth defining pages were written from the depths of my heart, yet were titled satanic by the bride of Christ. The double edge sword says you want my heart but the bride covered my ugly like plastic surgery. So I prayed, praised, and paved the way for others to live the same way when I chose to say "Lord, Have your way!"
Only to find out in the end...she prostituted her body with fake amens for just ten percent of my check.
Angry? Yes. Confused? Perhaps. But this is what it means to be the man behind the mask. Hated? I was. Kicked out? I have been. Especially when she took a peek at the sight of church-created dreams. The bride of Christ has been deflowered by the Sin of man with an aroma of deceit and greedy priests. And it left a disease inside of me that reaks a hatred towards those I call "Mask-Makers".
You already know who I really am. But it's time the Mask-Makers see who I really was. Take a look inside of me. Weep along with agony and breathe a scent of repentence as I finish this last sentence. If those that kill can make sense of all of this, then this is what it must mean to be righteous.
Honest."
So I looked up to my sister with glossy eyes and whispered, "Fuck you."
Monday, September 20, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Problems Past: Empty Promises
03
The dream was stuck in my head. My mind swirled in memories and empty promises. Lies and deceit stampeded it's way to the core of my blood pumper leaving trails of pain and sorrows. I was on my way to meet my long lost sister but I couldn't stay focused on the rendezvous ahead of me. Evangelina was an ex-wife of mine when I was 24. It was barely over a year married when we divorced. I have to admit that it was a wonderful relationship...to start with. It's unbelievable how things can change so quickly and subtle. Relationships tend to go from hearts, candy, and gummy bears, to knives, flying plates, and pills. Probably another reason why I'm currently not in one. So many promises were broken. Promises like telling each other everything; or never letting go when the going gets tough. I can't simply mention every promise ever made because I'd go insane. I'm not sure I even believe in promises anymore anyways. Your word is your word and stick to it. That's what I always say.
It's been three years since the aftermath of probably the lowest I've ever fallen. Yet it continues to haunt my dreams in a similar way the weeds grow on the front lawn. It interrupts my decisions and it brings out an emotion I can't control sometimes. It pokes my scars and destroys the dam that held my tears back. In addition, I've become best friends with something called panic attacks. The world is a wonderful place to live in, isn't it? The past of my problems is the kind of past that can't find a closure. It's learning to live with a disease that makes this such an irritating life style which not only burdens my mind, but also the people close to me. It continuously falls onto their shoulders like the power of the rain smashing against my windshield as I drive 60 mph in a 45 mph zone towards Charlie's BBQ. Suddenly, my palms began to sweat. Why was I so nervous about seeing my sister. I know its been ages ago, but I should be more excited than I am worried. Maybe it was the peanut butter and banana sandwich I had earlier.
I pulled up to a parking spot to see my sister sitting in a booth twirling her straw in her glass with her palm on her left cheek. Staring at her, I could feel the broken spirit she radiated through the glass. I'm not usually too good with these kinds of things. You know, being the psychologist and all. But I have a feeling that this case might end up that way. As I opened my car door, simultaneously, the car next to me did the same thing and crashed against mine. A red mark decided to claim a home on my black door handle. "Great..." I thought to myself. The girl frantically jumped out and said, "Oh my God! I am SO SO sorry!" "It's okay. I'm sure a permanent marker will do the trick." She laughed afterwards as if nothing was wrong anymore. I was actually being serious...After a second of silence, "Alright well goodbye then!" I started to walk towards the door when she yelled, "Wait! Don't you want my information!?" and casually while continuing to walk, I responded with a, "Naaahhh..."
Finally, inside of the restaurant my sister screams across the tables with people, calmly and peacefully eating their food, "You should've gotten her info!! Go on a date or something!" I turned red while apologizing for my sister to the elderly gazing at me while eating their juicy black and tender Pork Rib. I sat down in front of my sister and said, "It doesn't matter. So...nice to see you..." She said nothing as her smile slowly fades and her focus moves to her coffee cup. I wasn't sure what to say next so I jumped to the point. "So, what's wrong?" She looked like she wanted to yell it all out but she just kept stirring her coffee and staring at it as if she was carefully stirring a potion of mass destruction. "Hello!?", I tried again. "So, you can scream across the restaurant but you can't talk to me when I'm a feet or two away from you?"
"..."
"...um...come on sis...why in the world did you..." and that's when she started to talk nervously. "Kai, we have both lived our lives. Opposite from each other but we have both been living a lie. The only difference is that I know it, and you don't."
I was confused. I wasn't sure what she meant by that. So I decided to ask why. "Why?" and then she continued, "Today marks 1 month that I am sober. I've made a bad decision to stay with someone I had hoped would change, but in return, I was the one who changed into the dark lie that he had lived." I gazed at her with an uncanny grin, "Sis, I don't really think you need to worry about anything. I don't even want to be in a relationship." And that is when she ruined my day. "Kai...Kaile isn't even your real name. Mom....well, she isn't your Mom either. Your real name is Dathan Korah. We found you when I was really young." I sat there. Nothing was on my mind besides the color black as I continued to listen to my sister in disbelief. "One night, Mom and Dad were coming back home from a night at the movies. On their way back to the car, they were stopped by a young teen girl. She was shaking with black under her eyes and blood coming down her lips. She yelled and screamed as she pulled out a gun out of one hand saying, 'TAKE HIM! TAKE HIM NOW!! HE DIES OR YOU DIE!!' Dad didn't know what to do besides take you. So he did. We didn't know who she was until Dad tracked her down one day. I don't know how but he found out that she was killed that very night. She was beaten to death by her husband. And well, it turns out, he had a brother. And I am currently living with that brother."
The dream was stuck in my head. My mind swirled in memories and empty promises. Lies and deceit stampeded it's way to the core of my blood pumper leaving trails of pain and sorrows. I was on my way to meet my long lost sister but I couldn't stay focused on the rendezvous ahead of me. Evangelina was an ex-wife of mine when I was 24. It was barely over a year married when we divorced. I have to admit that it was a wonderful relationship...to start with. It's unbelievable how things can change so quickly and subtle. Relationships tend to go from hearts, candy, and gummy bears, to knives, flying plates, and pills. Probably another reason why I'm currently not in one. So many promises were broken. Promises like telling each other everything; or never letting go when the going gets tough. I can't simply mention every promise ever made because I'd go insane. I'm not sure I even believe in promises anymore anyways. Your word is your word and stick to it. That's what I always say.
It's been three years since the aftermath of probably the lowest I've ever fallen. Yet it continues to haunt my dreams in a similar way the weeds grow on the front lawn. It interrupts my decisions and it brings out an emotion I can't control sometimes. It pokes my scars and destroys the dam that held my tears back. In addition, I've become best friends with something called panic attacks. The world is a wonderful place to live in, isn't it? The past of my problems is the kind of past that can't find a closure. It's learning to live with a disease that makes this such an irritating life style which not only burdens my mind, but also the people close to me. It continuously falls onto their shoulders like the power of the rain smashing against my windshield as I drive 60 mph in a 45 mph zone towards Charlie's BBQ. Suddenly, my palms began to sweat. Why was I so nervous about seeing my sister. I know its been ages ago, but I should be more excited than I am worried. Maybe it was the peanut butter and banana sandwich I had earlier.
I pulled up to a parking spot to see my sister sitting in a booth twirling her straw in her glass with her palm on her left cheek. Staring at her, I could feel the broken spirit she radiated through the glass. I'm not usually too good with these kinds of things. You know, being the psychologist and all. But I have a feeling that this case might end up that way. As I opened my car door, simultaneously, the car next to me did the same thing and crashed against mine. A red mark decided to claim a home on my black door handle. "Great..." I thought to myself. The girl frantically jumped out and said, "Oh my God! I am SO SO sorry!" "It's okay. I'm sure a permanent marker will do the trick." She laughed afterwards as if nothing was wrong anymore. I was actually being serious...After a second of silence, "Alright well goodbye then!" I started to walk towards the door when she yelled, "Wait! Don't you want my information!?" and casually while continuing to walk, I responded with a, "Naaahhh..."
Finally, inside of the restaurant my sister screams across the tables with people, calmly and peacefully eating their food, "You should've gotten her info!! Go on a date or something!" I turned red while apologizing for my sister to the elderly gazing at me while eating their juicy black and tender Pork Rib. I sat down in front of my sister and said, "It doesn't matter. So...nice to see you..." She said nothing as her smile slowly fades and her focus moves to her coffee cup. I wasn't sure what to say next so I jumped to the point. "So, what's wrong?" She looked like she wanted to yell it all out but she just kept stirring her coffee and staring at it as if she was carefully stirring a potion of mass destruction. "Hello!?", I tried again. "So, you can scream across the restaurant but you can't talk to me when I'm a feet or two away from you?"
"..."
"...um...come on sis...why in the world did you..." and that's when she started to talk nervously. "Kai, we have both lived our lives. Opposite from each other but we have both been living a lie. The only difference is that I know it, and you don't."
I was confused. I wasn't sure what she meant by that. So I decided to ask why. "Why?" and then she continued, "Today marks 1 month that I am sober. I've made a bad decision to stay with someone I had hoped would change, but in return, I was the one who changed into the dark lie that he had lived." I gazed at her with an uncanny grin, "Sis, I don't really think you need to worry about anything. I don't even want to be in a relationship." And that is when she ruined my day. "Kai...Kaile isn't even your real name. Mom....well, she isn't your Mom either. Your real name is Dathan Korah. We found you when I was really young." I sat there. Nothing was on my mind besides the color black as I continued to listen to my sister in disbelief. "One night, Mom and Dad were coming back home from a night at the movies. On their way back to the car, they were stopped by a young teen girl. She was shaking with black under her eyes and blood coming down her lips. She yelled and screamed as she pulled out a gun out of one hand saying, 'TAKE HIM! TAKE HIM NOW!! HE DIES OR YOU DIE!!' Dad didn't know what to do besides take you. So he did. We didn't know who she was until Dad tracked her down one day. I don't know how but he found out that she was killed that very night. She was beaten to death by her husband. And well, it turns out, he had a brother. And I am currently living with that brother."
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
An Ancient Dream
02
"Evangilina!! Why do you still lie!? What did I ever do to deserve the way you have broken me!" She stood there with dark, wet and tangly hair in a living room I worked for years to furnish. Her bloodshot eyes stared at me as her smile began to rise. "Kai...I'm a treasure to your eyes. But I'm a parasite to your spirit. I feed from your greed and I flourish through your empty words of instruction to the people you call 'saved'!" Walking slowly and towards me she chuckled in satisfaction. "I am only what you wished I was. Take your eyes off and see who you really are. A reflection to your soul." The walls began to cave in. The roof was made of old memories and broken picture frames. They fell from the ceiling as photos floated gently to the trembling floor. One photo rested on my shoulder which was the time I had a first date with Evangilina. Inside of a small 'hole in the wall' cafe. A self portrait through a cell phone with aim so terrible that it cut off the left side of my face. Evangilina continued, "Do you remember? I don't. Nor do I care. But you won't get rid of me. Oh no...you must be mistaken if you believe that stupidity. 'I will always be in your heart.' Do you remember when I told you these words? I'm here to stay and everyone who knows you, will certainly know who I am!" I closed my eyes so hard my tears couldn't escape. Then I heard a scream. The voice of the person I cared most about. Instantly I fell to my knees. My strength left my weakened body and I couldn't even yell out her name. I saw her being held hostage with a knife to her back as Evangilina screamed, "THEY WILL ALL KNOW WHO I AM!" She prepared to thrust when I screamed, "NO THEY WON'T!!!!!"
My eyes were opened by the sound of thunder and rain beating against my window. Flashes of light would repeatedly light my room like the angered clouds were taking a photo shoot of the devastation they would shortly leave behind. My palms were sweaty and my heart was heavy. My veins were pulsing while short of breath. The clock read 3:25am and I've never been so wide awake. I've been having these recurring nightmares recently and if anything, it's really starting to annoy me because I had no idea why I had that dream specifically. It's funny, that ever since my Mother told me about this new guy named Russ, I've had the worst feeling about him. Something just didn't add up and I was afraid to find out the hard way. Maybe these dreams had something to do with it but why did have to do with me and an old memory? He seemed like a nice guy. But 'something' just really...bugged me. I was meeting my sister that same early morning so I went back to sleep. After all, it was just a dream...
"Evangilina!! Why do you still lie!? What did I ever do to deserve the way you have broken me!" She stood there with dark, wet and tangly hair in a living room I worked for years to furnish. Her bloodshot eyes stared at me as her smile began to rise. "Kai...I'm a treasure to your eyes. But I'm a parasite to your spirit. I feed from your greed and I flourish through your empty words of instruction to the people you call 'saved'!" Walking slowly and towards me she chuckled in satisfaction. "I am only what you wished I was. Take your eyes off and see who you really are. A reflection to your soul." The walls began to cave in. The roof was made of old memories and broken picture frames. They fell from the ceiling as photos floated gently to the trembling floor. One photo rested on my shoulder which was the time I had a first date with Evangilina. Inside of a small 'hole in the wall' cafe. A self portrait through a cell phone with aim so terrible that it cut off the left side of my face. Evangilina continued, "Do you remember? I don't. Nor do I care. But you won't get rid of me. Oh no...you must be mistaken if you believe that stupidity. 'I will always be in your heart.' Do you remember when I told you these words? I'm here to stay and everyone who knows you, will certainly know who I am!" I closed my eyes so hard my tears couldn't escape. Then I heard a scream. The voice of the person I cared most about. Instantly I fell to my knees. My strength left my weakened body and I couldn't even yell out her name. I saw her being held hostage with a knife to her back as Evangilina screamed, "THEY WILL ALL KNOW WHO I AM!" She prepared to thrust when I screamed, "NO THEY WON'T!!!!!"
My eyes were opened by the sound of thunder and rain beating against my window. Flashes of light would repeatedly light my room like the angered clouds were taking a photo shoot of the devastation they would shortly leave behind. My palms were sweaty and my heart was heavy. My veins were pulsing while short of breath. The clock read 3:25am and I've never been so wide awake. I've been having these recurring nightmares recently and if anything, it's really starting to annoy me because I had no idea why I had that dream specifically. It's funny, that ever since my Mother told me about this new guy named Russ, I've had the worst feeling about him. Something just didn't add up and I was afraid to find out the hard way. Maybe these dreams had something to do with it but why did have to do with me and an old memory? He seemed like a nice guy. But 'something' just really...bugged me. I was meeting my sister that same early morning so I went back to sleep. After all, it was just a dream...
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Don't Forget The Words
01
"Follow me. Follow me away into something beautiful. Something new and powerful. Something that will change who you are in ways you never thought possible." - Rose
Rose is my Mother. I'm 27 years old and I've lived at home since I was born. And I mean that literally. I wasn't born in a hospital. I was born in a tub downstairs in the same wooden green home I live in today. My Father's name is Rick. But he died when I was 12. I lost him to lung cancer. I'm pretty sure he always had a cigarette or two in his lips when I would see him. Some people might not agree with me living with my Mother at such a mature age, but I hey, I get free home cooked meals! She is really good at cooking, but her singing tops any home cooked lasagna with her Special - Mom's Secret Garlic Bread Surprise!
On the night my Father died, I was in the hospital with my Mother as she sat by his side while I sat in the waiting chair outside. I could hear my Mother saying, "Rick, do you remember our 20th anniversary? Oh, how beautiful the candles you lit for me!" My father was always Mr. Romantic. With a broken and weak voice my father responded, "..yes. I loved..'cough'...your black dress with your red scarf. Can you sing me the song you sang? 'cough' " That is when I heard the song she sang for me when I was baby. A melody so soft and catchy that it would slip you into a trance before you could blink. "Follow me. Follow me away into something beautiful. Something new and powerful. Something that will change who you are in ways you never thought possible." She sang it so gently. It could have been the best she had ever sang it. That is the moment that changed my life forever. My father was gone and my Mother had lost a piece of her heart. From that moment on I swore to myself that I would take care of her the way my Father would've wanted me to.
At age 17 I got my first job making smoothies at Smoothies and Stuff. 1 year later I became an assistant manager which ended up being another name for janitor. After a couple months I realized that it wasn't the job for me. So I sought after a position in Customer Service for a well known Software Company down the street. I've been there since and now I manage a team of twenty five telling people how to turn on a computer. Our software normally doesn't work when the power is off. My mother sells cosmetics and she is pretty damn good at it. She even made me buy some acne cream from her a few weeks before my first date. She even gave me a discount. Such a wonderful mother she is. She told me that I needed to have a sexy cheek to kiss because girls typically don't enjoy kissing Mount Everest during a warm summer night on the beach.
"Kai!" my mother yelled with distress. "Kai! Come here! Quick!!" I immediately closed the naked celebrities website and ran downstairs ready to swing a bat at any intruders. "I'm coming! I'm coming!" I saw my mother standing on a chair trying to stab a mouse with the opposite side of the broom. Maybe my choice of weapon was a bit of an overkill for this tiny-sized cheese thief. "Get him!!! Eeeeeeek!" My mother yelled franticly. Apparently along with my Mothers beautiful singing voice, she has a defense mechanism to send this critter back into the dark depths behind the fridge with her screech of death. "Did you get him!?" My mom questioned while holding the broom closer to her as if it gave her a bubble of immune defense. "I think you made it's ears bleed but I didn't get it." I told her. "I'll buy some traps tomorrow, Ok?" She started to climb off the chair while holding the broom like some sort of laser gun towards the fridge. I think my mom is going crazy.
The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Lady Gaga singing Alejandro from my radio at six of the morning. It was a rainy yet beautiful Sunday morning. Something about gray scaled skies evens out my emotional balance. Church starts at seven and it was my turn to sing a few songs during worship. My mother would usually be there by now helping set up the early morning breakfast table for those that can't handle waking up early enough to cook their own breakfast. Someone like me. Luckily church was 5 minutes away and all I had to do was put on my church shirt and grab my book of songs because I can never remember the lyrics even though I've sang the same song since I was 16. As I was leaving the house I found a note slipped under the door which read: 'To: Kaile Evans'. The slightly wet note was from my sister who ran away with some bum who smelled like he bathed in Jack Daniels twice a day. My mother wasn't too fond of him with good reason but my sister Maggie wasn't fond of my mother not being fond of the guy that was fond of alcohol which was fond of...well you get the idea. Eventually it got so bad that Maggie couldn't deal with the "un-fondness" and took off. This was almost 5 years ago. We tried to keep in touch but it was as successful as trying to fit a cow through a cereal box. Anyways, the note said she urgently needed to talk to me in private next week around in the same time at our old favorite restaurant, Charlie's BBQ. Hey, at least it gave me a good excuse to miss church next week. I was out of money for the offering anyways.
I drove to church thinking about why someone would runaway from the people that care the most. To hurt the people that love you the most by being with the person you love the most. Is there even a struggle? Any sort of resistance? Or are we designed to simply hurt people? This could be humanities imperfection. People hurt people consciously and unconsciously. It's sad but I guess that's the honest truth. Sometimes it has to do with miscommunication and sometimes they just down right meant it. Whatever the case may be, the heart says it all through actions. No matter how loud words can get, actions speak in higher decibels. And it looks like my Mother popped an ear drum when Maggie left. They haven't spoken since then. I ended up thinking so much about it that I realized I was already on stage, and I've forgotten the lyrics...
"Follow me. Follow me away into something beautiful. Something new and powerful. Something that will change who you are in ways you never thought possible." - Rose
Rose is my Mother. I'm 27 years old and I've lived at home since I was born. And I mean that literally. I wasn't born in a hospital. I was born in a tub downstairs in the same wooden green home I live in today. My Father's name is Rick. But he died when I was 12. I lost him to lung cancer. I'm pretty sure he always had a cigarette or two in his lips when I would see him. Some people might not agree with me living with my Mother at such a mature age, but I hey, I get free home cooked meals! She is really good at cooking, but her singing tops any home cooked lasagna with her Special - Mom's Secret Garlic Bread Surprise!
On the night my Father died, I was in the hospital with my Mother as she sat by his side while I sat in the waiting chair outside. I could hear my Mother saying, "Rick, do you remember our 20th anniversary? Oh, how beautiful the candles you lit for me!" My father was always Mr. Romantic. With a broken and weak voice my father responded, "..yes. I loved..'cough'...your black dress with your red scarf. Can you sing me the song you sang? 'cough' " That is when I heard the song she sang for me when I was baby. A melody so soft and catchy that it would slip you into a trance before you could blink. "Follow me. Follow me away into something beautiful. Something new and powerful. Something that will change who you are in ways you never thought possible." She sang it so gently. It could have been the best she had ever sang it. That is the moment that changed my life forever. My father was gone and my Mother had lost a piece of her heart. From that moment on I swore to myself that I would take care of her the way my Father would've wanted me to.
At age 17 I got my first job making smoothies at Smoothies and Stuff. 1 year later I became an assistant manager which ended up being another name for janitor. After a couple months I realized that it wasn't the job for me. So I sought after a position in Customer Service for a well known Software Company down the street. I've been there since and now I manage a team of twenty five telling people how to turn on a computer. Our software normally doesn't work when the power is off. My mother sells cosmetics and she is pretty damn good at it. She even made me buy some acne cream from her a few weeks before my first date. She even gave me a discount. Such a wonderful mother she is. She told me that I needed to have a sexy cheek to kiss because girls typically don't enjoy kissing Mount Everest during a warm summer night on the beach.
"Kai!" my mother yelled with distress. "Kai! Come here! Quick!!" I immediately closed the naked celebrities website and ran downstairs ready to swing a bat at any intruders. "I'm coming! I'm coming!" I saw my mother standing on a chair trying to stab a mouse with the opposite side of the broom. Maybe my choice of weapon was a bit of an overkill for this tiny-sized cheese thief. "Get him!!! Eeeeeeek!" My mother yelled franticly. Apparently along with my Mothers beautiful singing voice, she has a defense mechanism to send this critter back into the dark depths behind the fridge with her screech of death. "Did you get him!?" My mom questioned while holding the broom closer to her as if it gave her a bubble of immune defense. "I think you made it's ears bleed but I didn't get it." I told her. "I'll buy some traps tomorrow, Ok?" She started to climb off the chair while holding the broom like some sort of laser gun towards the fridge. I think my mom is going crazy.
The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Lady Gaga singing Alejandro from my radio at six of the morning. It was a rainy yet beautiful Sunday morning. Something about gray scaled skies evens out my emotional balance. Church starts at seven and it was my turn to sing a few songs during worship. My mother would usually be there by now helping set up the early morning breakfast table for those that can't handle waking up early enough to cook their own breakfast. Someone like me. Luckily church was 5 minutes away and all I had to do was put on my church shirt and grab my book of songs because I can never remember the lyrics even though I've sang the same song since I was 16. As I was leaving the house I found a note slipped under the door which read: 'To: Kaile Evans'. The slightly wet note was from my sister who ran away with some bum who smelled like he bathed in Jack Daniels twice a day. My mother wasn't too fond of him with good reason but my sister Maggie wasn't fond of my mother not being fond of the guy that was fond of alcohol which was fond of...well you get the idea. Eventually it got so bad that Maggie couldn't deal with the "un-fondness" and took off. This was almost 5 years ago. We tried to keep in touch but it was as successful as trying to fit a cow through a cereal box. Anyways, the note said she urgently needed to talk to me in private next week around in the same time at our old favorite restaurant, Charlie's BBQ. Hey, at least it gave me a good excuse to miss church next week. I was out of money for the offering anyways.
I drove to church thinking about why someone would runaway from the people that care the most. To hurt the people that love you the most by being with the person you love the most. Is there even a struggle? Any sort of resistance? Or are we designed to simply hurt people? This could be humanities imperfection. People hurt people consciously and unconsciously. It's sad but I guess that's the honest truth. Sometimes it has to do with miscommunication and sometimes they just down right meant it. Whatever the case may be, the heart says it all through actions. No matter how loud words can get, actions speak in higher decibels. And it looks like my Mother popped an ear drum when Maggie left. They haven't spoken since then. I ended up thinking so much about it that I realized I was already on stage, and I've forgotten the lyrics...
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